I'm Madder than a Hatter

I'm not mad.
But I am mad.
I feel like I'm not allowed to be mad.
I shouldn't be.

You are in my life.
You are in my daughter's life.

But you're not.

You're here.
And then you are gone.

And I know I can't be mad about that.
You have a life.
You are supposed to have a life outside of me.

I have a life.
I am supposed to have a life outside of you.
We are separate individuals.

I can't ask you to work less.
That would irresponsible and unreasonable.

I can't ask you to move in.
We've only been together for 10 months.

I know I cannot ask you to change a thing.
I know this is all an inner driven
INSANITY

Wanting to beg you
To Be Here.

The darkness is back. 
I want HIM here with me and part of my life and I am going and smoking like crazy because I am afraid I cannot keep him. 
I am afraid he sees who I really am. 
And I am afraid he is pulling away. 

But there is no evidence to these fears.
Only BPD
only BPD
only BPD
I feel emotional intensity driving me.