Step Daddy?

Dear BF,

So this morning Kid asked asked if you were coming over today. I told her not today but soon. I was expecting her to reiterate her anger at us for not taking her to the park like she imagined we promised the other day. Instead she said sadly, "I miss him."

"I miss him too. It's nice when he's around," I replied.

"What if he came to live with us?" She suggested excitedly, her little 5 year old voice egging me on.

"Maybe one day. Would you like that?" I tried to be the diplomatic parent but I felt the fireworks bursting and the energy spiralling up at the suggestion.

"Then he could be my Step Dad!"

I know my eyes widened and my mouth dropped, I tried to remain the same cool and collected parent I often pretend to be. "That would be nice, maybe one day that could happen; but we can't predict the future, honey. It's too early to say. We don't know what will happen."

She then rattled on about how none of her friends have step dads, and how there are all kinds of different families. That we should get married, and she wants you to be her step dad. That she plans to marry P from school. That she's no longer interested in G because he goes to a different school. That she wants to get married at that fancy grocery store. She asked for something to eat, then asked for the Kindle to watch a movie before school.

Then I was left standing with my head spinning, my heart exploding, and ready to propose to you.

I wanted to scream, "look kid! Let's not encourage mommy's obsessions and fantasies! Her crazy is going to scare him away! We need to be tactful in our manipulations to keep this guy! I mean, I need to be aware and patient to maintain a healthy relationship as it continues on its path.

"I cleaned out a drawer. He asked me to clean out a drawer! He has an empty drawer here. I don't know why he didn't put anything in his drawer the other day, but he has a drawer! It's too soon to move in. But he has a drawer! A drawer is a step to moving in. But what if he never puts anything in the drawer? What if he never wants to move in? Then all our hopes and dreams are ruined and you're traumatized for life!! And... NOOO!

"There's an empty drawer for him. Things are healthy. This is an awesome and healthy relationship. I am doing so well, and I cannot worry about the future."

So, I'm still crazy. I'm crazy about you, but I am able to manage and contain it. I have yet to do anything drastically psycho to ruin this relationship, and I plan to keep that way.

My heart is definitely full. My daughter likes you. She wants you to be part of our lives too. Maybe one day that will be the case and you will be even more part of our lives than you are now, but regardless - things right now are so good.

I look forward to talking to you tonight. I can tell you Kid likes you and wants you to come around more often. Then I can let go and just let you know you and the relationship are appreciated and wanted. Thank you for that.

With Love and NOT Expectations,

Your Crazy BPD GF