One of my greatest paradoxical challenges is knowing when and how to express myself. Part of my issues means I can feel things so intensely, so I spend almost all of my time trying to find the balance between reality, valid feelings, and intense waves of emotions mixed with impulsiveness and wild thoughts.
I think you are amazing. I like when you're around, and I want you in my and Kid's life. There are so many things about you I enjoy and adore.
My fears and anxieties of crossing boundaries and moving too fast, or of being and wanting too much, hold me back. I'm crazy about you and I keep trying not to reveal that crazy. I think about you every single day. I think about how much I want you here in the present and in the future.
I've written a handful of messages like this. I've thought about ways to say these things from my heart while laying next to you in bed. Instead, I just breathe in and imbibe in every moment of being with you; while desperately trying not to question what you might feel and trying to remain rational.
You're in my heart. I'm grateful you're in my life. I look forward to seeing you again soon, and whatever comes next.
Also, the next morning that you're here, I'm going to make you a good tasty bowl of oatmeal! LOL. I don't think you should touch the ground cloves ever again!
Love ME Please!
Your BPD Girlfriend
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