You're Just Wonderful

Dear BF,

I hope you're having a great day! *kissy face emoji*

No matter what I do I can't seem to stop thinking about you, LOL. It makes me feel crazy because that line between infatuation and obsession can be super blurry for me. LOL.

I just really appreciate and enjoy everything about you.

You're so great with Kid, and you've been so kind, patient, and supportive offering suggestions and helping me in those difficult parenting moments. I really enjoy when we play games with her and take her to the movies. That you've included her without hesitation. I mean, obviously she is my life so it goes without saying...

Kid talks about you more and more. Asking when you'll come over again. If you can refluff all her stuffed animals, lol, and asking if you'll clean up the backyard and help us plant stuff. Of course she's always asking when the next movie theater date is.

I just enjoy everything about you. Just being in your presence. Whether we go out to eat or eat at my place. If we go out to do something or just sit and watch TV. Being next to you when we sleep. I love the way you make me feel, the way you look at me, when you give me that oh so charismatic wink. The way you touch me and how gentle and attentive you are.

I don't think my panties have been dry since Tuesday night. *blush emoji* 
It amazes me the way you can make my entire body shudder with ecstasy. With a touch, the way you feel inside me, against me, when you taste me. I so much just want to be with you, and my body craves you.

I haven't said it because, again I know how blurred the line can be. I keep reevaluating in my mind: What's reality? What's normal emotion? Is this intensity being brought on from my mental illnesses?

But I think I am head over heels in love with you.

It's exciting and also horrifying. My own thoughts, feelings, and impulses shock and scare me at time. While I try to manage them, evaluate them, identify them, I also desperately try to hide them -- and I fear that may be holding me back and putting up walls. That it might be keeping me from expressing even the healthy ones. Or that I will miss an opportunity, and eventually push you away Of course, the bigger fear is that total openness and honesty will push you away even faster.

I don't know if I'll ever share this letter with you. I don't know if I'll ever bring myself to say anything that's here. Though, I desperately want to. Being silent about it is almost as painful as the thought of sharing. The mental war with myself sometimes causes me to shut down and feel paralyzed.

Especially that, I love you. I want you. I want to be with you. I constantly think about you and desire you. I think about building a future with you and how much I want you to be part of my and Kid's life.

With Love, 

Your BPD Girlfriend