God Talk

(((I have been running a meditation meeting for 2 years which uses the Pamphlet How To Listen To God in which we ask out Higher Power for guidance and then write every thought that comes.)) 

God help me.

I feel so disoriented and dysregulated. I don't even want to deal with today. I want to curl up and cry and go to sleep.

I can't be a good mom.
I'm not capable of a healthy relationship.
I can't "adult".
I can't breathe.
The weight on my chest just feels so heavy. Just for today I want it all to end. Please.

You are a great mom.
You are in a healthy relationship.
You are doing well.
Everything is ok.

Why don't I feel ok then?

Eat something.
Release obsession.
Do dishes.
Embroidery.
Relax.
All Is Well.

My feelings are just so intense.
Why can't they just go away? Or why can't someone just validate them? I want to hear BF say he loves me. I want to fly forward into passionate romance. I want to be with him so badly it hurts.

I feel nauseous. What is wrong with me? I know everything IS ok, but I feel like I'm spinning out of control.

Workshop is on Friday.
Step Work Heals.
You aren't sponsoring enough people.

Today's schedule will be filled.

Tomorrow you have a full day. Doctor, meetings etc.

It's ok.
Plan for the park on Saturday.

Continue moving forward and living.

It seems agonizing when I cannot control the intensity of my thought and feeling.

Give it to God.
Through God anything is possible.
Faith defeats fear.
Release and Heal.
Trust.
Removal of Obsession.
Return To Love.
God's arms.
Faith and Let Go.

God's time. Not mine.
God is the most important relationship.
Imperfection does not make me a mistake.